How Santa got Christmas back under Control
- Sophie Davies
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
(A slightly magical tale about outsourcing and not losing your marbles at Christmas)
A Slightly Wobbly Christmas
It started, as these things often do, with a list.
Not the list. A different one. The one that said:
Recheck global chimney access
Reply to 3,482 emails from parents
Fix the “404: Elf Not Found” message on the website
Update the wrapping guidelines
Review sleigh flight-path compliance
Santa stared at it, then at his cocoa, then at the clock.
“It is fine,” he muttered. “Christmas runs itself. People know where to find me.”
Technically true. But the workshop Instagram still displayed a photo from 2017 captioned: “New to this social media thing! Ho ho hopefully we get the hang of it!”
They had not got the hang of it.
Santa, Chief of Doing Absolutely Everything
Somewhere along the way, Santa had quietly become that business owner.
You know the type.
Writes his own website copy in his head while flying over Lapland
Thinks “strategy” is just trying harder
Stores vital processes in a notebook only he can decipher
Says “must sort that soon” about things he never sorts
The elves tried, but it was chaos.
Operations ran on a shared spreadsheet called FINAL_FINAL_V27.Elf IT begged him to approve a “Nice List CRM” and Santa kept saying “after Christmas,” which unhelpfully never arrived.
Mrs Claus Steps In (Because She Always Knows)
One evening, Mrs Claus put down her knitting and looked at him with the kind firmness that could stop a sleigh mid-flight.
“Love,” she said gently, “you’re trying to fly the sleigh, pack the toys, manage the elves, fix the website and write every letter yourself.”
Santa opened his mouth.
She raised a mittened hand.
“And you have glitter in your beard again. You are not well.”
“I don’t need marketing,” he protested. “It’s Christmas. It markets itself.”
“No,” she said. “But you do need help organising the madness.”
And because she is usually right, Santa sighed.
“Fine. Find me someone who understands elves, reindeer and a man with an extremely seasonal workload.”
A New Kind of Magic Arrives
A week later, a stranger arrived.
Not an elf. Not a reindeer. Definitely not a toy.
They introduced themselves as part of Your Christmas Department.
“We’re here to help you stop doing everything yourself,” they said.“And to make all the important things run properly.”
Santa narrowed his eyes.
“You aren’t a marketing agency, are you?”
“Not exactly. Think of us as your outsourced brain. For anything that isn’t sleigh-flying or list-checking.”
They asked questions. Lots of them.
And Santa disliked how many times he answered, “It’s all in my head…”
They simply nodded and began sketching a plan.
Small Tweaks, Big Breaths
They didn’t arrive with fireworks. Just small, steady changes.
A real North Pole calendar. Not the chocolate kind — a proper one.
It mapped:
When letter volumes spike
When toy trends change
When elves need extra support
When Santa must not be interrupted (pre-flight checks and biscuit tasting)
They created clear communication channels.They removed “Ho Ho Homepage” from the website navigation.They fixed the error that said “Please fax your wish list.”
None of it was dramatic.
But Santa’s shoulders started dropping a fraction lower each day.
Someone Who Actually Understands the North Pole
What surprised Santa most was how quickly they understood the place.
They noticed things he’d stopped seeing.
The quiet elf who always solved last-minute crises.The reindeer who routed flights better than any GPS.The notebook full of brilliant ideas labelled “Someday.”
Instead of telling him to reinvent Christmas, they asked:
What do you want more of?
What can we safely stop?
What already works beautifully?
For the first time in centuries, he didn’t feel alone with it all.
The Elves Start Smiling Again
The elves were wary. Outsiders had burned them before (the Great KPI-for-Joy Debacle of ’83).
But soon, they noticed something unusual:
Fewer last-minute panics
Clearer briefs
Actual plans
Workloads that didn’t involve sprinting
A content folder that wasn’t called “MISC”
Head elf Sparkle was overheard saying,
“I’ve finished my list. Early. I may lie down.”
It was, frankly, a Christmas miracle.
Christmas Eve… Without the Chaos
On the 24th, Santa stood by the sleigh in quiet astonishment.
The route: checked.The lists: synced.The workshop: tidy.
No elves sobbing into tissue paper.No reindeer unionising.No web pages warning “This site may be unsafe for Christmas.”
Your Christmas Department had run every check.
All Santa had to do… was his job.
Deliver joy. Steer the sleigh. Wave at satellites.
He felt a rare thing: space in his head.
Mrs Claus Notices First
Mrs Claus didn’t care about workflows.
She cared that Santa wasn’t muttering into his cocoaor wandering the halls at 3am whispering,“We really must sort that homepage.”
He came home relaxed. Told stories. Actually sat down on Boxing Day.
“You seem lighter,” she said.
“I’m not carrying everything anymore,” he replied. “I have people for that now.”
She smiled.
“Good. I want to keep you for a few more Christmases yet.”
A Quiet Little Wink
No one talks about “outsourcing” at the North Pole.
They just say Christmas feels calmer now.
Santa still does the magical bits only he can do. But he doesn’t try to be head of operations, IT, content, scheduling and biscuit quality control all at once.
He has a partner who understands his world, keeps things moving and frees him to do the work only he can do.
And if a certain business owner reads this and thinks:
“…my place feels a bit like that workshop…”
Well. Even Santa has stopped doing everything himself.
Just saying...............................
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